17 years to the day - A hard road travelled and a part of who I am xx

It is Saturday now the boys have gone camping and I have been rostered on to work  in the mornings so I wanted to start this post now this afternoon between playing on the internet and doing my own housework and cleaning, I also decided to make some Pumpkin soup for my dinner so I had better start it now before I get stuck into this..

At about 3 years old he has car sick bands on

It has been 17 years to the day since my baby of 5 years old got called back home it is a time of reflection of thinking about who he was a little bundle of joy that loved to take risks at his tender age he was so full of life and got up to all sorts of mischief he loved the outdoors and got into a lot of things as soon as he could walk he was climbing the woodshed at age 2, not to mention the wheelbarrow full of wood, he was climbing out the bedroom window or trying at the age of 3 he even ran away from home once looking for his dad that had taken his sister for a drive in the ute he was found at the nursery for the lady lived up the road from us and seen him wandering so took him back to her work place which was a garden place not far from home, boy did I go into a panic then for you only have to turn your back for a minute and the adventure begins for your toddler. He loved to jump and play on the lounge he was so lively and always had a smile..
I've just been going through what is left of the short life of Phillip for all I have that remains is left in a box it has the sympathy cards, his school work and little bits and pieces of art he made at school or pre-school the newspaper with one of the stories in it of his passing, his birth record book, his death certificate and coroner report plus I have his school bag which has his little wallet, it still has a dollar in it 5 x 20cent pieces, a knitted monkey and octopus I made for him, a bicycle helmet some PJ's and a few little toys. I don't pull these things out very often for in my cupboard they remain.. Also there is a book his little classmates made for us after his passing.

Here was one newspaper article I think there was another but didn't get a copy it doesn't quite tell all of what happened as it wasn't the branch that struck Phillip but the whole tree as I heard that tree bounce of my son's head while I was keeping my 2 year old busy in our vehicle, when I went over to him I let out this guttural scream that I hope never have to do again and he was just laying there perfect with no blood on him or anything I remember looking up skywards at the trees as I screamed, for I knew it was too late..

Reflecting on the accident and thinking of all the events that led up to Phillips time to return home, he knew he was going I think I've told this story before but will add it again .. I have been reading about our soul pre-birth plan a book by Robert Schwartz and I believe that this was planned by my sons soul but I also had a part in this plan for I also sub consciously knew it as well the reason I say this is because of little things I remember like praying to God when he was 20 days old and in having a hernia operation after he was left a bit limp and had bile coming out of his mouth as the hernia was blocking his bowel he was sent straight down to Melbourne children's hospital while he was in surgery I remember asking god not to take him just yet at least let him go to school and learn how to write his name and that is how far he got before his call home came. Phillip also knew before hand his time was up for he told me so when I asked him a question I had read in a magazine some one had asked their kids about a new baby of which I really did want to add to our family so I asked him this "If we have another baby where do you think he could sit like in the car and where would this baby sleep?'" Phillip then explains to me "that the baby could have his place because he wasn't going to be here" he said it with such a straight innocent and serious voice" I don't think I said anything at the time just filed it away for later but I can still clearly see him sitting on that chair near the kitchen table as he said it.. There was also the incident of my other baby of 2  years old waking up screaming about Phillip and a tree he done this on 2 or 3 different nights, the boys shared the same room so they would of both been getting messages from the angels I believe. Then on that afternoon of the accident when we had finished lunch at my parents we both hoped in the 2 different vehicles my 2 eldest hoped in the car with their Nan and Pop to go and get the second load of wood and I was strapping the 2 year old into his baby seat and he was really screaming for his brother Phillip which he had never done before it was a bit of a panicky scream because he knew what was about to happen for he seen it in his dreams. I also knew of our soul plan because of that feeling of dread I had for months coming up to that day of course at the time I had no idea or maybe I did as I kept praying for nothing to happen to any of my kids as not long before a school friends sister had lost a baby to Sids I think I had that feeling of dread as if something was going to happen so thinking back and reflecting my soul knew of this plan that Phillip wouldn't be here for long just by the events that happened leading up to and even on the day of the accident when Phillip was sitting in our car for the first load of wood I looked back and seen his aura shining and thought to myself how angelic he looked all these images and events are clear in my mind as when you lose a child all these little events replay over in your mind and it is like a slow running movie, but you tend to push that down into the never never land of your soul just so it doesn't hurt when you think about it, that is how you cope with such traumatic events or that is how I coped over the last 17 years, you can go about your daily business and do what you have to do as long as those emotions are filed away in a place that doesn't hurt you. We all cope differently to things that stress us out a lot turn to alcohol, drugs or some other addictions just so they don't have to face that pain. I guess I just filed it away in the back of my mind and soul and worked my way through it from within so silently as I never ask for help with any of my emotions I can tell you now my heart was closed it wasn't until a few years ago it fully opened again so I could feel not only my emotions but I have become more sensitive and pick up on everyone else's. I am empathetic I know I always have been but I think I filed that away as well and blocked it off as a child maybe because I couldn't work out why I had all these feelings and being shy was my protective wall against saying what I felt but also having to deal with others energy and emotions..
I will close it off there as I don't want to think about it any more and I am feeling a bit tired and teary..

Phillip 14 months a Christmas shot and Jessica

I hope you have enjoyed meeting my little boy and ball of energy that he was and still is.. I do love him so much still with all my heart for he is a part of my soul make up as are all of your own kids.. When a mother loses a child a piece of her soul goes back to spirit with that child that has crossed over to home.. it does leave a gapping hole in your heart that will never be filled, comfort does come in knowing where our souls go and that we will meet up again when it is my time to end.. The pain of losing a child is one that is so unbearable when it happens you become numb of all feelings and just go about your day in auto pilot for you know you can't stop even though your own world just did the day your babies spirit went away. You learn to live with the loss of a child but it is something that never goes away others don't know how it feels unless of course they have been through it themselves it is a pain I wish on no-one but I know it is a part of life and also a part of our own soul growth for it does bring a lot of parents closer to their own spirituality which is a reason why it happens, but from the soul of the child that has left early it means  their soul lessons are done on earth and some only come to experience the birthing process or a very short time on earth as the soul sometimes changes it's plan and needs to return home it is all fascinating stuff but it does scare a lot of people and brings out fear in them when you talk about spiritual and spooky stuff like this as a part of that is our human brain is not conditioned to think this way for we have been conditioned since birth to have different belief's.. Some even think you are nuts or from out of space in reality we all are for the universe is bigger then a human mind could comprehend and it is all part of the universal energy system that keeps us all alive..  I should also mention how hard it was for us to have to celebrate my daughters 7th Birthday the day before we had to bury my son it must of been hard on her as she also witnessed the whole accident and she was with him till the end she was his soulmate as they never left each others side they were 15 months apart.. I forgot to also mention that my 2 yr old seen his brothers spirit up on the roof above his coffin on the day we went to view him and say another goodbye I took the 2 kids along so they knew for themselves where their brother was. I was holding my two year olds hand as we stood beside the coffin and my little son points up to the roof and says "what is Phillip doing on the roof" he wasn't tall enough to see in the coffin so that is not what he saw and I don't remember if he did look in he may of put a little present in the coffin as we left the viewing area (which was after he said that) it was on the Tuesday I think the day before Jessica's b'day.. I don't remember all details (most of the following weeks drew a blank) I do remember everything I felt as when you think about it in the following years they do all come back up, I do know I didn't want to eat or sleep just cry when no one was around, we did spend a lot of time at my parents place as that is where the community were bringing down food and things of comfort for us and we didn't have to face home without him there we done this for a few months I think ..

My little angel with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes..

a little ball of energy and fun..

love you baby till the day I die

xxx

On the 10th year anniversary I did make this scrapbook page I was a keen

scrap booker I haven't done it for a while too busy..

When Phillip died I listened to Mariah Carey's "Music Box CD" over and over all the  time it seemed to soothe my soul as nearly every song touched on how I was feeling..  I still can remember all those feelings I was having when listening to the tracks now so I do try not to, as I did pack it away for years I forgot I even had the  CD until I was reminded of it one day..

I will never forget you was also a very strong indication of

what I was feeling..

Without you - Mariah Carey

As she sings these words I did

remember my son bounding through

the door as he come home from school.

I also remember feeling how I didn't

want to go on with life either..

I knew I could not escape

because I had a family

to look after, I wasn't

worried about my welfare

at all as long as my

family were fed and looked

after I could wait.

I finally came out of that

slumber a couple of years

ago when my heart re-opened

I know why it did but that will

be another chapter of my life

if I have faith in what may

be, my dreams always have

come true so faith is what

I will cling to but my soul

is still missing you..

so I do feel alone a lot

of the time for the love

I feel is so intense..

love you always.

xxx

 

Reiki Jin Kei Do xx

Hello I've had a very spiritual weekend where all my chakra's have had a recharge and my energy vibration has been lifted up a notch so I can be attuned into healing with my hands which is Reiki. So my body has had four empowerments over the weekend and also some Reiki treatment as I had to give a couple and I received them back in return I was the only student so it was done at Louise's house but we were joined by a friend of Louise's that came for a review for her Reiki (I think she was at second stage) she was a beautiful soul so I was grateful to Bernadette for joining in this weekend as I did get to practice on her and she returned the favour and she is very psychic so when she gave me my Reiki she seen in her minds eye my son Phillip playing in my aura as she sees a lot of colours when giving or receiving Reiki. When having Reiki you can get a range of feelings no-one is ever the same for it is your own body that is receiving this energy to it will let you know what is wrong it can be something physical or emotional that needs healing it will be you that has to work it out for it may not happen straight away I myself have a 21 day period after my empowerment  for anything to happen. My workshop started on Friday night so I had my first session then and it finished at 10 o'clock and when I went back to my accommodation I couldn't sleep from the noise down below but more because I had cramps in my ankles and feet, also my right ear has been aching since so hopefully it means my clairaudience is on its way back in so I can hear spirit as I was asking that while having my treatment, also so I can see, feel, hear and know everything from spirit to pass onto other people in order to help them grow or be aware of this new energy and in how it may make them feel.. I shall let you know how I go I was feeling good today however I just looked at the clock and it is midnight so I better finish this post quickly and read some of the Reiki manual I was given.. With the first stage I can do self treatments and family or friends, pets so I may do 2nd stage another year I will see where this will take me as I have a lot more I want to do..

JIN KEI DO is the linage of the Reiki that I'm doing .. here is an online webpage if you want to see..

Dr Ranga Premaratna is going to be in Wagga this weekend but I have been rostered on to work both this weekend and the next so the timing for my first stage workshop was great as was the position of the accommodation I chose as it was only a walk away.. so spirit will always guide you to where it is you need to be we just need to listen to our intuition and follow our hearts as it will lead the way to where it is you need to go..



Here is the card I drew at lunch time from the Vintage Wisdom Oracle  "Reflection" of our life and how far we have come in this life time with all our struggles whether financially with relationships, family or friends each person or event has helped your soul grow that little bit more for when we enter life that is why we came to learn, to make amends with other souls from past life times that we may of not treated right or we had some other karmic debt to pay back. Karmic debt is a universal pay back system so your own soul energy is the trading term it is in each life we have to balance that debt so our soul energy needs to be even to do this we must consider how we treat people as we always have choices to make which way to go, the road of compassion, empathy and loving kindness or the choice of fear so showing anger or judgements of how others walk on their path. Our karmic debt is not always in the negative for all love and kindness is also repaid in your life and if your light shines it is sure to shine in any future  life you may plan. So in your quiet time of reflection look at all the memorable parts of your life and work out what soul lessons you think you might of gained and if those experiences or the people that have come and gone in your life have left you with lasting emotions if they have left you in a position that hasn't strengthened you it is time to let them go so all the emotion they still carry over you will no longer affect your soul forgive them and also yourself for what ever happened was meant to be and the lesson is now over. If you keep holding on to those emotions it means your lesson has not been learnt so you will most likely keep repeating them or your trapped emotions will show up in other ways and make you act out in fear so all emotions need to be released and lessons learned in order for you to move on to the next soul lesson you came here to learn. So reflect and release that which no longer serves you and replace all feelings with love and positivity that you are in a safe place and you are where you are meant to be right here and now where ever you are your own soul knows when it is time to move or bring about change for it will happen anyway when the timing is right. Love and light xx ❤

This song was chosen as the closing one of my Stage one Reiki session

Don't be afraid to love again to give or receive  from any source

as it will open your heart to hear the divine source it self for Love is

the highest frequency and energy and one that is your direct link to God and all of

the spirit realm including that of your higher self as well as your lower self for you

are connected in the centre of both or at least your energy and consciousness is.

It is now Thursday I keep getting so tired I don't finish my post as I started this on Monday I have been sending a lot of love energy to those I think need some of my energy as I am pure love and light in the eyes of spirit I know they can see my crystal light shining as I feel the divine love inside of me. It is coming up to the anniversary of when Phillip had to return home that is on Sunday so I might take him up some new flowers that I have had sitting on my table for about a month so they have plenty of home energy on them for him, he already knows they are for him as when you return to spirit you are never far from your soul family for you are always connected through your heart and soul with love and only a thought will bring them closer to you and they do leave signs, you may not always notice them though you may sense them from smells, butterflies, birds, dragonflies, songs what ever you associate your loved one with some times they may even brush near you or touch your hair, you personally always sense this but may brush it aside.

It is now Friday I had a busy morning I got up early and went to work then I had to go see the Optometrist about my contact lenses as I've been having a 2 week trial I do like using them and got the hang of installing them the first day was a bit tricky but by the end of the week it was easy only I didn't have the correct strength as one eye is worse then the other I am myopic so need them to see long distance I don't need them to read a book up close but with contact lenses I may need to use weak reading glasses a bit of trial and error to come I think I will pick up my subscription next week . After that I had a doctors appointment nothing drastic just a new script to be written for my hypertension all my blood tests were great from the last test which was earlier in the year also a referral to another doctor for  woman bits to be tested, not nice but a part of being a woman and I have had lots of reminder letters to have it done so I thought I better be safe then sorry later if any thing was to be picked up I will need an operation at some point though for I know of a little problem that needs to be fixed. Then groceries and when I got home the silly dog was out, he is a real Houdini and goes down to a house down the road and gets in their cats door the lady is not too impressed it isn't the small dog I've put up pictures of but my sons dog who is rather large (a kelpie cross) he is well behaved apart from escaping and being an unwanted guest. So the lady came up just as I was heading to work I didn't have time to go catch him and I ended up walking to work for my car also got hot and wouldn't start so the dog ended up following me to school as I walked past him and he really did enjoy that walk but when I got to school I had to find my son to walk the dog back home they were having lunch and I had to start work and the dog was in the school yard he loves kids as well but he stunk as he was rolling in something smelly all ended well only the son said he should of stayed home for he only had art in the afternoon.. So my morning was a bit hectic but all is well just one of those days you are glad to get home and put your PJ's on and relax.. Up early again tomorrow for work..
I have just drawn a couple of cards to add to this blog.. after seeing a few toadstools on my walk yesterday at the golf course I thought of fairies so wanted to use that deck..

Mother Nature puts on some beautiful displays you can just imagine the fairies and

elves playing under these little toadstools..

I have drawn 2 cards from the Healing with the Fairies deck and they would like you to take a bit of time away on a "Vacation"  it doesn't have to be far just a bit of time out for yourself away from any pressures you may have in life even if it is just for a day or afternoon out in the fresh air amongst nature having a picnic in the park or a walk on the beach what ever you enjoy doing to have a bit of alone time or family time, for we get so caught up in work, family matters and the daily grind we forget to take in a bit of fresh air and to get out of the house or it may be time to start planning a bigger get away if you love to travel .. The second card is "To be honest with yourself" so you know what it is you need to do for our feelings and our body always let us know when we are not being true to who we are or why it is we came here to have a life. We will constantly have a nagging voice come from within us to let us know we need change or when something just isn't working out any more, our soul usually knows first it is just our ego and fears which stop us from facing the inevitable whether it be from relationships, jobs or career moves our gut will know it is time to move on to the next stage of our life, we may not know what that is straight away so we delay any progress being made as we go into denial and tell ourselves it will be right and in steps that ego to say yes! you must be right but you still have that urging or feeling within your gut that what you are doing  needs to come to an end.. Also to speak and express your own truth for we all have one and that is who we are at a soul level not the masked person of how we want others to see us or how we think they expect us to  be.. xx love and light xx

Nickelback - Far Away
Yay!! finished this post it has only taken me all week
I will work on a post for Phillip next for he brought
me to this place of spirituality that I am in if it wasn't for
him and wanting to know where his spirit went when he
left to go back home at such a young age.

You are so Far Away

but close to my heart and soul

You know I love you

because our souls are

so connected in a spiritual

way we are the half of

a whole and that soul is

universally big and a

part of the creative source.

Where divine and unconditional

love is the only thing that is

real, for it feels so intense

sometimes I just have to fill

you up with it if you have lost

your way, I know it will

bring you back around as

it has always been there

through every life time for

we are never far apart for our

Golden hearts are so connected

even when we are apart.

For I am only half of the whole of

who we are..

love you always

xxx

 

 

Your Shadow Self xx

G'day it is now Saturday and it is raining here so just doing some housework and cleaning things up I should really de-clutter my craft room here where I sit and it may help me be uncluttered with my time or at least help me be a bit more organised as one never seems to have enough hours in a day before your eyes want to close at night and I don't get any reading in and I have so much to learn and lots of books to catch up on so maybe sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed with what I have to do. Priorities is a word that just popped in my head so one needs to work out what is important in your life at this very moment for what you do now will decide on your future.

 I have just drawn a card this morning and I am to talk about our "SHADOW SELF" I touched on that last night with the mask we wear in front of others which is the deep dark emotions that we keep to ourselves so our shadow self in one that is also called our ego and it likes to keep our fears in check and talk us down or out of things we want to achieve but it is also that little lurker that makes us react in fear when we are faced with our soul truths of what it is we need to work on for our souls to evolve. Our soul is made up of many energies that come to us from spirit so in our humanness our ego gets a ride it is our dark side as we live in a world of duality and each soul has a dark and a light side like the sun and moon earth does too for when the dark side of our soul appears it will make us most likely turn to addictions, or treat others with contempt for only our soul appears kind, compassionate, full of love and  integrity when it is emerged in the light so we really need to face all fears and let the dark side of our soul disappear, it does show its self on occasion in our life when we are faced with soul growth emotions brought on by events like grief, and break up of relationships or shattered dreams our shadow side of our soul will have us turning to addictions such as alcohol or drugs something to mask the light side of your soul.. The only solution to ridding or limiting your shadow side of the soul is to show more light, love and compassion towards others but mainly towards yourself for all you have been through was for a reason one to balance your soul energy and growth as that is why we came to earth for our lessons as it is only as a human our soul will grow and eventually evolve so all that shows is our light our love and that part of the divine that created our souls.. We often go into dark nights of our souls without even realising for those are the days you just want to be alone and shed all the emotions over past or present emotional events that have happened in our lives some things get buried so deep in our souls we like to pretend it isn't there but it stays and feeds your fears and your ego as it rears its ugly head when you least expect it that is why it is essential to forgive your self and others  as well as to let those emotions go out to the universe for they do your soul no good, your soul needs to have your heart open so you can hear your direct guidance from above when you are in doubt your guidance is blocked so your conscience may start to make your freewill  choices  have you travel a harder road and create more karmic debt which is a balance of energy that will have you pushed and pulled in life as your soul is trying to make amends for the choices you made in a past lives with how you treated others for out of fear we treat others like crap for it is our shadow self that really needs working on to release the fears we show others, for everyone is a mirror of your soul and it will be the fears you see in each other so will react accordingly.. If you always come from a place of love you will only ever see the good in others and if you can't find anything good you will simply walk away for you know they have plenty of soul growth and fears to fix within themselves. So take a conscious look at yourself with how you interact with others and see if you notice your shadow side make an appearance if you do go look at your self internally and get rid of the fears you have release them to heaven to bring you peace of mind and know that your soul has just grown from the lesson you gave or got from others. Our soul is made up of energy and is always looking to have a balance of dark and light so we can be at peace with who we are and start to appreciate why we came to have life lessons for we all came for different reasons depending on our past lives and what it is we need to fix in the way of energy whether we came from a place of darkness in dealing with others in another life cycle you will want to create more light in how you treat others, so you may be a more compassionate person then you were in a previous life but it will be shown to that soul you showed darkness to in another time and place of your souls akashic record..Our souls are never static they are always moving and evolving that is the energy in us that comes from above that moves our actions and reactions which how as a human we evolve and have evolved since the start of creation.. xx Love and light xx

Your Shadow self finds your fears to make your soul stronger if you face them then learn from the lessons provided some fears are present in this life from previous soul life cycles you have had so they will be phobia's or some sort of pet hate that you don't know why it exists. Fear like Love are both energies one dark and one light each soul has decide which one you wish to live by I chose light even when I go into dark times my light of love has always shone through it has  been through soul searching and letting things go that always brings me back up to the true soul self I am and have always been time on my own for reflection always has helped so I speak to my soul and it speaks to me in rationalising my emotions to bring me peace.

So the next card I pulled out from another new set of cards called the Romance Angels by Doreen Virtue.. This deck is about finding romance or your soul mate in life but before that happens we need to find our passions for what makes us happy and excited and our heart full and open are the things we love to do it could be our hobbies or being outside in the garden and open air the things we strive for and the things that bring us joy are the way to reignite a relationship with others is to share our passions with them or it is a great way to look after yourself and to come away from your fears so what ever you are passionate about will be a part of the light side of your soul so it will raise your vibration if you are filling that void with what it is you love it could also be music something that soothes your soul and ignites something in you that will drown out the dark side of your soul the more you do what you love the more true soul self you will be for your soul has long held passions you've brought in from other life times for you could be a renaissance men/women and levitate towards the arts of that era in this your current life time.. When you are passionate about something it will continue to come up in your life even if you have a break from it you will return for it is a part of your soul and it makes you feel whole which in turn will strengthen your relationships for you will come from a place of happiness and joy. It's great if you can find work in the field that raises your passion for you will forever be fulfilled with your work as it was most likely a part of your soul plan rather then just a job you are doing something that excites you. Doing things you love is a part of self care which causes the domino effect in all your relationships.

Love this song when Life's Challenges have us going down a road we know we

don't belong ask Jesus, God or your Angels for a bit of guidance and be open to

receive the blessings that will be sent to you...

The road hard travelled is the one you get your soul growth and lessons from.

One more song I do love Lady Antebellum and this

song - Need you now...

Sending love and light

Drop the shadow side of

your persona and let others

see your true soul.

If you are not sure who

that true soul self is.

Work hard at self reflection

on your life journey and how

far you have come.

Search for the lessons

you have learnt along the way.

Release all the emotions buried

deep for it will give your

soul a sense of peace.

Loving your self

for who you are is

your souls life goal

in any life cycle that

you promised to undertake.

To love always is the

energy a soul needs to

be in love with humanity

and to be of service to all

that you meet on your life

path for to have love and

compassion in your heart will

shine the light and bring a

sense of hope and peace to

those that you meet.

Love you always

no matter where you

are for you are a part of

my soul energy.

By VMB

xxx

 

 

Freedom and Perception xx

Hi all I had a great weekend I attended a Mind, Body and Spirit expo that was held for the first time in Tumut and I had a lot of messages given to me from Spirit through some of the Psychic Mediums that attended the show it was great being around like minded people I felt at ease for most crowded places I don't always feel comfortable but I was talking to one of my old school friends that was helping with a stall at the expo she does aromatherapy and massages so they had a stall with all the aromatic oils on it.. I did have a wax art painting done and a reading from John Paul Sutton that was interesting I will put a picture up of it and explain it a bit more.. To do the painting John gets you to pick some wax colours you I chose 5 but you can have a max up to 7 it goes up in price with the bigger size art pages I chose a 4x6 one and got a lifetime reading.. He puts the wax on a hot iron in the order he choses and puts it onto the photo paper some of the art works on display are awesome if he is there again next time I will get a bigger one done.. he did talk very fast so what he said has had to come back to me at least the important bits..

 To do the life time reading the picture is divided into 3 so the bottom 1/3 represents my past so my childhood and he said that something must of happened at about the age of 8 or 9 the only thing I could recall around that age was nearly being picked up by a stranger in a yellow car that was circling around the oval where I walk now I was with my sister and the kids from next door I recall having a bike with me and this man stopping  and asking for directions or something the kids with me were playing and seeing what this man would do so they hid behind a building and they all were watching for they left me out there on my own to see what he was going to do and just after he stopped to talk to me they appeared and he took off so they scared him as they didn't even talk to him he thought I was on my own.. The other thing I remember is being teased on the way home by 2 girls up the road from us they were younger then me and my sister but they used to throw stones, call us names and the usual bully tactics we ignored them but they went home and told their parents that we were teasing them the younger one was worse then the older sister for she wasn't the instigator and they said "we are going to get our dad to come and get you with the axe" or something similar and he did they not only done it to us but other kids in the street so we all used to walk around the back way so we didn't have to go past their house this could of been going up into my teens as well because one of there cousins actually got so close to me on his bike my hands went into the spokes as I tried to push him away as they were teasing again I think my hand was swollen for days I didn't tell my mum (I'm like that battle things out on my own)..  The next 1/3rd the middle bit from about the second line that goes across is the present so he said I was going through a growth period meaning my spirituality and soul which it is he also said "your psychic" I said "yeh!!".. Most of it was about communication because I chose a lot of blue shades and pink was for love, compassion etc. I do have communication issues due to my shyness and past again about being teased about my voice which probably has affected me in some ways but that was not what he was saying it sounded like he was saying the opposite but maybe he was referring to my online presence where I do talk a lot, in person most the time I can't get my voice heard as I am usually talked over or by the time they finish what I had to say was part of the last topic that happened today or yesterday at work by the time I get my voice heard they are onto the next subject so most the time I just listen it doesn't worry me they just wonder why I am so quiet all the time.. The next part of the picture was my future which was free flowing so that is all the lines going up in the pretty pattern so that is after my growth period so that to means all this learning and other courses I'm doing or wish to do in the near future to do with spirituality and what direction I'm heading in which I haven't planned so just go with the flow and where my heart leads me. There is an image in the picture that looks like a dog which means loyalty which I am when I know in my heart that a person needs me or I trust them if you betray my trust I will disappear from your life no worries about that if someone hurts me I will have nothing to do with them lucky I haven't been hurt to often but then again I am guarded before I let anyone into my heart or space any way.. My future looks promising but that is to far away I don't think about it for I do like to live in the present moment. Thinking now on what John said there might be more to what happened when I was younger going on what I've read since writing this up I need to do more soul searching for the answers will come up in my mind as they always do and always have for I know my own truths of who I am.

Here I am at about age 8/9 in my school photo.

 

Look for the good in everyone and bring it out in them not the negativity for it will affect you.

 I had some other readings done last weekend so my mind has been going over all that was said I will go into that further as my Pop I never met came through and has been protecting me all my life he died before I was born, the psychic medium that done this reading had a lot to pass onto me now my soul is working on those messages I came across a message from Tobias and some of his channels on the Crimson Circle so I have found more info on who I am when I read the free download on Crimson Circle about the Lost Children of Christ and as I read it I was thinking this is me so I have some soul searching to do to find all the answers for they do lie within my soul. I just read some more of Tobias messages and I really feel it is me and also why I am the way I am with my shyness and all for I had to keep things quiet until it was time to reveal or to find my inner soul to help people bring this new energy in for in my life I have always felt protected not by those just in my family but an unseen force as I was going through life I always knew there was more, going back before my job came to me I was searching for life's meaning and knowing there was more to it then just having a husband and the boys to look after as my daughter had left home by then.. I have done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of years knowing all the answers lie within but being pointed by my guides to where it is I need to find information that will wake me up spiritually in this life for I now have found my life purpose and so much more it is just a matter of patience and letting divine timing let it all fall into place for I know I have a lot more learning and love to give to those that have my soul, I really want to go get some past life memories dug up and who should pop on my wall this morning after reading about the Lost Children of Christ none other then Dr Brian Weiss announcing he is having a workshop in Melbourne in November so I will now have to pray and let God know my intentions for I really want or need to go and I would love to have the experience of seeing Dr Weiss in action I also wish to do another workshop in Sydney at some stage a Tobias "Journey of the Angels" as soon as I seen that is the Crimson Circle leaflet I knew it was something I was drawn to as our soul always knows what direction to take my heart has always led the way for me.

 I decided to draw a card for those who visit my blog I really must get my time sorted so I can get back to blogging more often for I have much to say and spirit does to for I have messages I know I must pass on to help be of service and to help others through this new energy or for future reference for those also on a spiritual journey.

 FREEDOM - "I possess the power and the freewill to create my own happiness"..  You are the creator of your own happiness it does not lie with others though they can make you feel bliss to be around them for you are getting their energy with how they behave or act towards you, but no-one can make you feel any emotions in life for it is only up to you to have the freewill and attitude of how to react or feel in any situation and if you let negative emotions affect your mood at any given time, if you let things go emotionally you are bound to feel more at peace and come from a place of happiness for you will see things in a different light when your mind is freed of what others expect of you and to be the true soul self you are, you also need to be true to who you are and let others see that person for you should never change to suit others if they don't like you they will move on out of your life as they are not needed by you or vice versa they will go to the next place/person where their soul will grow with more lessons that they came to learn. So it is up to you to feel happiness for it is your own state of mind which will put you in a certain mood.. love and light xx

Stand in your own soul power and with your freewill chose how you want to feel or how you want others to treat you for you always have a choice to walk away or change the situation by your own reactions to things that come up in your life use this advice from Eckhart Tolle. Your choices will be your destiny for everything has a cause and an effect on you and those around you for we are all connected.

I also purchased some new cards last weekend at the Mind, Body and Spirit expo.. I love them as they are of vintage pictures and have great messages within this one is about PERCEPTION for that is what life really is what we perceive from our own experiences of what we think life is and what is the truth for us as we all have our own from what life has dealt us but also from past life experiences for things our soul will recall so our intuition will tell us that things won't work out but some times we still need to get those lessons again for we don't trust what our gut instincts say so we mask the truth instead for we are a race that has a logical thought process so the need to analyse things are always great we as a race do always over analyse a lot of things that come up in our life because based on the other persons perception of who you are and you being the person you are will put on a mask of your ego and only show them what you want them to know about you, our ego is really our mask as it shows up our fears, negative emotions and our ego also sets up our own self serving persona if we let it where you will put others feelings aside and do what you please even if it hurts another, our conscience will let us know when our ego appears for we will feel guilt if our soul knows it has done or made the wrong choice.. It is not so much a wrong choice but rather a valuable soul lesson you needed to take to bring you to another place. Our perception also comes with our belief or what it is that our parents, teachers and other personal friendship have taught us since we came to earth. Our perception of things also come from what the media portray as reality where most of it is based on the journalists perception of what is real to him/her based on their own biases, for not everyone has that same thought as you are seeing things through your own eyes and your own realities in life, and our reality is what we believe to be so by our own life experiences and those we can pull up from our soul that we know is the truth based on past life experiences we have had for some of our fears are based on deep soul stuff we don't or didn't know existed as it just comes out of the blue in your life but your soul always knows what is real and what is a perception of someone else's reality..  We can also have a perception of who we think we are so being judgemental of our own actions and choices in life and how we think others will see us and maybe reject us, but in reality we hide behind the mask of our true soul self for our feeling are buried deep within for our fears are that great we don't want to show others but those are things we need to work on our real soul growth starts to take place when we do drop our mask and lay our soul bare.

I feel like spreading lots of love tonight for I feel I've neglected you, or maybe that is just how I feel inside and need to show you I am pure love and light and wish to send it to the universe for it will be returned to me by spirit if no one else is around.. Awakening spiritually can be a lonely place even when others are around as you awaken to who your soul really is and why you came here and most your life you've really done it alone as you are dependant on no-one for how you feel and as you are being of service to others you sort of neglect your own needs well the emotional ones at least.. Next weekend I can't wait for as it will be another spiritual one I hope it helps awaken and heal more in me as I will be in Wagga all weekend doing my first workshop in Reiki where I will learn to tap into the Universal life force energy even more and learn another modem in spiritual healing to help others not sure how far I will take it for my heart will lead the way to my future and the message I also keep getting is all about change..



Home by Michael Buble

Some times I really get the urge to go home

 a great wave of emotion just washed over me

now as I was looking at something online..

12:12 is the time and in Angel numbers

that means "Keep positive thoughts about

your future as what you are thinking

influences your future. This is a message

to keep your faith and hope strong because

these are strong determining factors right now."

That was for one 12 as it is doubled here

is a website that says more click here.

Sending love and light to all

that read this for now I just

feel alone I must be shedding

some old energy as I type this.

Love you always,

xxx

 

 



Death, Love, Life and Indecision xx

G'day it is now another new month the 1st of May so I thought I would catch up and fill you in on what has been going on with me.. I've been busy with work this last month and also feeling so tired at times we lost my pussy cat on Wednesday which was sad because Tiger was such a loving puss at lunch when I came home he was sitting on the rug very quietly which was unusual because he always 'meows' or sits near the door in a near chance he will get inside, when we first got him he was an indoor cat but he made a mess on the floor so he got put outside which was okay because it was around the time we brought the puppy home so to save the cat from being annoyed they needed to be separated, though Tigey was lovely to the dog it let it bite him and play games and even licked it at times he was a very patient cat. Sam loved him as well he brought him in some nights and he cuddled him up in bed, last night Sam said "Can we get another puss like Tiger" I told him yes one day because not all cats are as patient as tiger so not sure they would be the same.. Anyway I had pulled the Death card twice maybe 3 times from my new deck 'Soul Journey' not sure what it was about for it has many meanings depending on the question asked and who it was for as death is never final for all souls are eternal so really the death of anything just means an ending so you can start a new beginning, but many things ran through my mind of what it could mean for me as I have a glimpse of my future but I don't want that just know for in my minds eye I can see images of some of my fate but that rests in the hands of God for now.. Anyway when I went to work at about 2 o'clock I picked up puss and put him in a box where he sleeps sometimes up on a table and thought he would be okay I also opened him a tin of tuna and left it for him to eat but by the time I got home I just missed his last breath as he must of jumped down from the table to hide behind a couch we have out the back where he left this world so he got buried under the tree with a few other pets we have lost but I am missing him I think for I feel something is missing from my life today as he was always at the door looking for tucker no matter how much he was fed he still looked for more.. I do love cats for they are independent creatures and only need love, food and a great place to sleep for they come to you when they want affection.. dogs are different for they are loyal and want to be by your side all the time like puppy beside me now she follows me in and out of the room and waits at the door if I'm in the shower... We did have another cat but when we brought Tiger home he got his nose out of joint cat have a jealous streak so he used to hiss us all but me he eventually ran away from home we seen him down the street a few times he must of adopted another family for he looks well fed and after Tiger died the other cat turned up at the back door so he must of came to say goodbye to Tiger as well I did call to him and he said "meow" and jumped the fence but think he came back later for a feed..

RIP Tiger you were a beautiful cat hope to see you again one day

xxx

 

For my birthday I ordered some new decks of Oracle cards to play with or to bring you some messages from the angels and spirit above tonight I have just drawn 2 and put them on my FB page so here they are and I will do one more just for those that come to my blog seen as I have neglected you all over the last week or two I must try and get my priorities right and start blogging more for I know spirit has so much for me to pass on to you all and I have been making my affirmations to try and open my channels even more along with some more books to read on the subject I think I really do need more hours in a day or maybe just eyes to last or stay open a bit longer at nights for I get so tired lately I'm not sure why maybe this new energy has got me feeling lethargic or maybe working to hard and eating to much sugary stuff since Easter.

 I have just drawn 2 cards from a new deck and they are "You are Clairvoyant" by Belinda Grace the first card was "LOVE" this is a card to remind you of your own self worth and the person that needs love is you first once you can love yourself enough it will show and shine the light for others to see you standing in your own power and not letting anyone getting things over you for you know within yourself what you will accept in the behaviour of others. Also once you love your...self others will see the true you and not the ego self where we put on a show of how they expect us to be so your soul will show for them to love and accept you as is, or they will at least help you with soul growth if they are not in your life for long. Our souls journey is one where we are to find love within ourselves but also with others so every one that comes into your life for lessons "Love is the driving force" of why we are here to seek out those we in spirit made plans with long ago so with synchronicity they will cross your path and no matter how you are treated in spirit it came from love for they wanted to help your soul grow and evolve into the magnificent soul you are today in this the present moment.. So with LOVE as your guiding light you will speak with honesty and integrity to all that you meet for FEAR will make you act out angrily or with haste or frustration at others but also at yourself for feeling that way, it is for a reason we act out of fear for it is soul growth lesson you still need so you can always see people with love even when they treat you bad or in a negative way for it is their soul that needs growth so they can walk away from bad situations.
The second card was "NATURE JOURNEY" so when the weather is right for you to venture outdoors it is time to clear your mind and raise your energy vibrations as you connect with mother nature and the fresh air or spend some time just relaxing as you watch the ocean shores, maybe just in a park or by a river anywhere is fine as long as you are relaxed and of clear mind your energy will raise in order for you to reach any solutions to problems you may have for out in nature the Angels messages seem clearer and by the ocean or water they seem to have a better frequency to connect with you and to send love, light and blessing to make sure you are okay as your soul walks on this earth journey.. love and light xx .

 

The other cards I pulled just for the blog readers that will come here to visit at some point a message of "INDECISION" so when making choices in your life trust on your intuition for it comes from the first gut feelings you have over what to do when faced with challenges or changes that we sometimes have to make. Our intuition comes from our soul and our emotions and feelings are the first things to react and send messages to our mind but our mind then works overtime and goes in to analysing all things and we then have our ego's tuning in on our thoughts, our ego will be negative and try and talk you down or out of the first instinct you had or that spot on intuition for our soul really does know why it came here and what it needed to learn in order to either balance karmic debt or complete another special mission as long as our soul is here it is always in the position to lead us where we need to go at any given time based on what our soul plans were when in spirit for they will always be fulfilled before it is our time to go back home from where our soul(spirit) came from and all those that were meant to cross our paths will for everything in life is divinely guided by your soul and all of spirit above so if you look at every person in the same matter you will see everything that has ever happened in your life was meant to be for you planned it just for your soul growth and to evolve and pay of debt to balance your own energy so you come from a place of love and to do that is to use your intuition in life and let your heart lead you to where it is you need to go, there are no mistakes in life or failures just a path or detour to where it is your soul is meant to be, for it is like a GPS tracking your progress and your feelings will always let you know if things are amiss or just not meant to be for you will feel unhappy or just stuck where you are for your soul knows there is more you came here to do and that a mission was set in your DNA and soul plan a very long time ago.. So your soul will continue to search until such time as you use your intuition and end up on the path you were meant to be on but all paths eventually lead to home no matter what detours you take on the way.
On the card "I use my intuition in all aspects of life".. So always follow your heart ..
"FORGIVENESS" is the second card for to forgive is to set your emotions free from past behaviour of others or even your own choices you regret for forgiveness is for your own soul and not to let others off the hook for how they acted in hurting you, for as long as you carry those emotions you are tied to that person so they are still holding power over you so it is time to let go of the past and open your heart for the future to be let in.. For old emotions you cling onto are blocking your heart and your mind from opening to its full extent so your guidance may not be coming in as clear as it should. So forgive and forget and sent love and light to that person for their soul needs work for acting the way they did towards you for they acted out of fear for one reason or another sometimes it is just to make you feel guilt for they have a hold on you through your emotions.. So cut the cords and let go walk away from a bad situation and let the other person lead their own life and to also find themselves for they don't have a right to hold stuff over you any longer for the past is gone and you have learnt your lesson so it is time to forgive yourself and open yourself up to live in the present for your future is bright with out the negativity you still hold onto.. forgive and let go of past emotions now call on Archangel Michael to release the pain or trapped emotions and replace them with love and light instead so your heart becomes open and your mind as well.. On the card "I acknowledge that harbouring resentment blocks the flow of love."  so as long as you hold on to the old emotions the new love or energy won't come in.. love and light xx

Tomorrow I'm going to a Health and Healing Expo so that should be fun it is going to be an Annual event so maybe next year I might be able to have a stall or something. In 2 weeks I hope to be doing my first Reiki workshop so I've contacted the Reiki master to see if she has room for me this month if not the next one is in June in Wagga so it is over 3 days starting on a Friday night..  So I will be a Certified Realm Reader, Certified Angel Card reader and a Reiki healer but I have also a lot of other things I wish to do as well so one step at a time.. I've been getting a lot of messages I'm on the right path and that my wishes and dreams will come to bear as they always have for my soul knows what my mission is but it is a matter of working hard on myself and helping others at the same time for once you find your soul and others there is no going back for your spiritual path is set and you can't un-know what you know is the truth for each of our souls has a truth detector for who we are and why we came here to earth and some of us came here to serve and help humanity at this time so there is no going back for your soul will keep calling you back to that path, if it doesn't reach it your soul will be always searching so you will not feel happy or contented in what you are doing so you may chop and change jobs, relationships etc. all the time until your soul find your life purpose. Though those changes are a part of your plan to help your soul growth to bring you to your purpose for your spirit guides will always be helping you find that purpose so nothing is ever an accident or coincidence either in life..

Music Rod Stewart - When I need you 

After a long post of catch up

Sending Love and Light

out to you, may your

change in life be all

that you wished for

and you find peace and

happiness within for

that is what life is about

finding you first before

you allow others into

your heart at this time.

May you find your

true path where you

went for my soul is

your soul where ever

you are we are bound

together by the ties that

bind our souls from the

start of creation our

blueprint is the same.

Love is our mission

to welcome in this new

energy.. Even when I

feel alone I know you

are there to make me

whole.. Love is

eternal and infinite.

No matter what

you do for my love is

pure and unconditional and it's

the divine I see in you.

Namaste.

Love you always

xxx