Happy Birthday in Heaven xx

Hi all on this day 22 years ago 5 October 92 I welcomed into the World my first son he was born about 2.30 in the afternoon as I had to be induced because of  hypertension they didn't want me to go past my due date, it was on a Monday morning I had to go to the hospital early so most of the day I walked around with the drip machine feeding me the drugs to bring on the baby inside my tummy I lived in Victoria at the time and I also had my first born little girl (16mths) at home she was being looked after by her Aunt..

Photo of my newborn meeting his big sister.

I started blogging this piece back last month some time when I found it..

I was just going through my knitting bag to find some needles to start knitting something for the new grand baby on the way and I found an exercise book that I started writing about a month after I lost Phillip my little boy I only read about a page and tears come to my eyes I couldn't read anymore I read that Phillip came to visit me in my dreams so I thought I would scan it for you to read to show how it feels to lose a child I wrote this coming up to the 1st Christmas without Phillip just after his brothers 3rd birthday, I know now that Phillip's spirit did really come to visit in my dreams and I didn't want to let him go in that dream, but I had to hand him over to my sisters so they could say goodbye as well it was so hard..

Phillip's last xmas 1997

I wrote down 3 vivid dreams I had in this book I  ended up writing only 9 pages of what I was feeling at the time a lot of it was just missing those tiny things like setting the table with one less plate and having to cook less, not seeing him bound through the door or jumping on the lounge as he was so active and I growled him for jumping on the furniture all the time, also in putting the kids in the car instead of having the back seat full there was one place in the centre vacant as he used to sit there.

The dream on this page was me sitting on the bank outside at my mums place which is in the photo above my dad has all his big Tonka toys (earthmoving machines) in his backyard it is a little boys paradise. Anyway I was sitting there and he came up to me dressed in the shirt in the photo I was giving him a hug and I didn't want to let him go but I had to in the end as the Bulldozer was heading straight towards my other kids then I woke up.

( I think it was symbolism for me to let him go as he was safe so I could look after my other children as well as another goodbye as I was missing him so much).

The scanned copy may be a bit hard to read and a bit messy and  unedited as neatness was not on my mind at the time only the feeling of pain and numbness but still having to go on and tend to the other little people in my world, I used to wait till everyone went to bed and just sat up and cried to myself until I had no tears left I probably slept on the couch more than in my bed on most nights.

If you have pent up emotions it is best to get them out so writing them down may help you, did you know that you can put your requests to the Angels or God down on paper as well as they will still know of your requests for help no matter in which way you ask..

Enough sadness I'm okay with it now as I know our life is eternal and Phillip is still around me whenever I need him he is only a thought away and in my heart and soul forever. When you do lose a child though when every Birthday or milestone year comes around you wonder what they would be doing now, how tall would they be, would they be married have kids etc. it is just a passing thought that would come in most parents heads as they watch the siblings and school friends grow into adults I found it hard to go to the school actually as I could see his classmates growing and I had nothing..

Here he is on his 4th Birthday I couldn't find any other birthday photo's handy to scan

he is pictured with his cousin.

We have a plaque out the bush where the accident happened as my dad wanted one out there we don't visit it very often we do go out and maintain it at least once a year, it is the same as the one at the cemetery where his ashes are because we had 2 made.

Anyway sending birthday wishes to my own Angel boy who was born 22 years ago today..

I know Phillip has gone and that we all have a soul plan to when our time is up that is why it is important to live each moment and love the ones that are in those moments as we are not privy to when our own time is up to leave this the Earth plain into the spirit world where all our souls energies live and meet up again.
Sometimes we don't understand why those we love have to leave us suddenly but there is divine order in everything that happens in our lives and a part of life is dying all that happens is a lesson for our soul as well as for the soul of the one who has passed over our soul needs to do this so we can evolve spiritually, just keep lots of Love in your soul/heart while you are here as that is the big lesson we all need in order for our soul to evolve.
When your loved ones cross over all they want you to be is happy and to get on with your life. Before I went to work I pulled a Card from the 'Talking to Heaven' deck I have the card "Remember the good times we had" came out and this song below was on the car radio I only heard the last verse I heard from about 1.20 so I'm sure it was a message from Phillip to tell me he is here still by my side when I miss him.

Freddy Fender - When the last tear drop falls.

Sending Love and Light to you and my little matey

I'll be back later with the Angel Card readings.

xxx